How to have a peaceful summer with your family

As we gear up for the end of a wild school year, many families are making plans for their kids and themselves. More often than not I think that we set ourselves up for stressful and chaotic summers.  Some of this is due to the need to keep our kids busy so that we can work.  Some of this is due to our kids wanting to do every activity under the sun. No one can tell you what’s best for you and for your family, but I’d like to offer some tips for things to consider as you begin to transition out of the school year!

Create Rhythms, Not Strict Schedules.

Summer is often thought of as a time for rest and relaxation. This can create an idea that no schedules will equal lots of relaxation, quality family time and water play.  However, when you’re living with kids, not having a schedule can often make summer feel more chaotic and stressful rather than relaxing. Some things that can add gentle rhythms without being overwhelming can include having your kids get up, brush their teeth and put on clean clothes even if you don’t plan to leave the house. Keep meal times to a schedule to prevent over or under eating.  Keep in mind that kids will be most willing to do extra chores or academic activities in the morning.

Prioritize Rest and Capacity.

I don’t know about your kids, but my daughter had a LIST of things that she wanted to do this Summer. Dance classes, horseback riding, family vacations, day camp, camp at Heartland Community College, and, of course, time with friends.  I could have sat down with a mega spreadsheet and coordinated a packed schedule for her, but I also recognize that she needs down time.  As a child with ADHD, being still is not her strong suite.  And frankly, as a mom with anxiety, down time is hard for me sometimes as well. Busy is often more comfortable! However, with practice, down time can become comfortable too.  If there are no opportunities for relaxation and independent play, it can lead to overtired and overstimulated kids.

Co-Create Meaningful Moments.

Have your family sit down and create a list of meaningful moments that everyone would like to create during the summer months. If you have lots of family members, you may want to limit the number of moments that family members include. Sometimes the meaningful moments may surprise you!  They’re often not extravagant and can fill any of those times where you absolutely cannot stay home one more minute. Think about things like visiting different parks, going to the $5 movie days at the movie theater, visiting a water park nearby, fishing at Miller Park or walking the constitution trail.  

Use Screen Time Mindfully.

Screen time, what a struggle!  Most families are going to use more screen time in general over the summer and THAT IS OKAY. There are a million articles in the world that will give you all the guidance any one parent could need regarding screen time.  My guidance has always been that every child is different. And if you shift the perspective from "managing" or policing screen time to viewing it as a potential tool for self-regulation or quiet connection, balancing it with opportunities for physical movement, sensory play, and rest? Mindless screen becomes mindful moments.

Build Space for Regulation.

Instead of specifically aiming for "spontaneity" (which can sometimes be dysregulating), prioritize "margin"—building in unstructured time to allow for rest, transitions, and the flexibility to pivot when moods or energy levels shift.

Summer will look different for every family, don’t feel like you need to keep up with Jones’!  Do what works for your family, start with a plan and adjust if it doesn’t seem to be working.  Make the goal of Summer and time to reset, take a break, and reconnect as a family.

If you find yourself struggling with making things work with your family this summer, please know that it’s always okay to seek therapy. We have a great group of clinicians at The Mental Wellness Center and I can always help you find a great fit amongst our growing group. To read more about our clinicians read here: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/providers