A Guide to Using Positive Behavior Modification in Kids

By Jessica Pippin, LCPC, CCATP

Identifying a problem behavior can often be much easier than changing the behavior.  Luckily, parents and caregivers play a crucial role in shaping a child's behavior. Behavior modification, a psychological technique, is a powerful tool in fostering positive behaviors in children.  Recently I have noticed that many parents are receiving conflicting information about behavior modification, particularly reward systems.  Some parents feel that kids are rewarded too frequently and that as a result, they won’t have internal motivation as adults.  Some parents have been told that things like sticker charts are “bad”.  Ultimately, many of us forget that we are not always internally motivated.  While we may have some internal motivation to go to work, do chores, pay bills, etc, we are much more driven by consequences and rewards than even we realize.  Additionally, kids are surrounded by technology that provides instant gratification and immediate input and we must adapt teaching methods appropriately.  It is also important to keep in mind that you are the expert in your own child! 

Understanding Behavior Modification

Behavior modification is a psychological approach that aims to change behavior by using a systematic and structured method. It relies on the principles of reinforcement, which involve increasing desired behaviors and decreasing undesirable ones. The key components of behavior modification include identifying target behaviors, implementing strategies to encourage positive behaviors, and using reinforcement or consequences to maintain progress.  In this case, we are primarily focusing on positive reinforcement.  Positive reinforcement is when there is a reward for doing a particular behavior or behaviors.  This could be specific tasks like brushing their teeth or more general concepts such as being kind.  Often, rather than providing a consequence for a negative behavior, we can find the positive behavior associated with it to reward.  For example, If they are frequently hitting or kicking, perhaps the reward is using a coping skill for anger or identifying a day of keeping our hands and feet to ourselves.  

Identifying Target Behaviors

The first step in behavior modification is identifying the specific behaviors you want to modify. These could include anything from temper tantrums to sharing toys with siblings or even completing homework on time. By pinpointing the exact behaviors that need improvement, you can create a clear plan for intervention.  I encourage parents to identify the tasks that are creating high levels of conflict or that they are frustrated with (shoes in front of the door anyone?).  Be sure to identify an age-appropriate number of items to focus on so as to not overwhelm them.  We want to consider some items that they are generally successful with to add to the mix as well.  For older children, sit down with them and work together to identify tasks that they feel they would benefit from a reminder and support to complete.  In these discussions, you may find that “Clean Your Room” is too broad, and that you need to itemize various tasks such as vacuuming, picking up dirty clothing, or bringing dirty dishes to the kitchen.  

Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement involves rewarding a child when they exhibit the desired behavior. Rewards can be in the form of praise, small treats, or privileges like extra playtime or a special outing. The key is to make the reward immediate and meaningful to the child. For instance, if you want your child to complete their chores, offer praise and a small reward when they finish each task.  Initially, we want these rewards to be frequent.  Consider a box with small trinkets purchased at the dollar store, oriental trading, or other bulk options.  I have had a lot of success with using fidgets in bulk as rewards in my office.  Once they have been successful with daily rewards for a period of time, you can extend the duration of time between rewards.  You will need to appropriately increase the size/value of the reward the longer the duration.  Again, for older children, talk with them about ideas for a reward.  Consider rewards that are not monetary such as a trip to the library or one-on-one time with a parent or friend.

Consistency Is Key

Consistency is vital in behavior modification. Children thrive on routine and predictability. When implementing behavior modification techniques, it's essential to be consistent with rewards and consequences. Inconsistency can confuse children and weaken the effectiveness of the intervention.  If you know that you will have a hard time maintaining a reward system, then this may not be the intervention for you.  Kids are smart and they will learn quickly whether or not the end result has a reward and if you are consistent in checking to make sure the tasks are completed.  Set yourself up for success first, which will in turn result in success for your kids.

Set Realistic Expectations

It's important to set realistic expectations for behavior modification. Remember that behavior change takes time, and setbacks are normal. Be patient with your child and yourself as you work together to establish new patterns of behavior. Celebrate small victories along the way, and acknowledge your child's efforts.  There may also be times that you feel that a behavior comes back around and needs to be added to the system again.  This is normal and is especially frequent with kids with learning challenges or that are neurodivergent.  Be careful not to get sucked into the “they are XX age, they should….” mentality.  The bottom line is if they need the goal, reward, and reminder then that’s where they are in their development right now.  Reduce feelings of shame in your kids (and yourselves!) by using developmental targets as a baseline, not a requirement.  This is also a good time to remind yourself that not everything has to be perfect! 

Use Natural Consequences

Natural consequences occur when the outcome of a child's behavior is a direct result of their actions. For instance, if a child refuses to wear a jacket on a cold day, they will naturally feel cold. Allowing children to experience these consequences can be a powerful teacher, helping them understand the cause-and-effect relationship of their behavior.  The older the child, the more likely I am to make the recommendation for natural consequences.  While it is uncomfortable to watch our children fail, many learn much faster in these situations.  Perhaps they’re an athlete but they frequently forget their homework.  Most schools have minimum requirements for grades in order to play or compete, this is a natural consequence.  Maybe they’re refusing to wear shoes but can’t play in PE without appropriate footwear.  Many of our social skills and queues are learned through those uncomfortable natural consequences.

Communication and Empathy

Open and honest communication is key to behavior modification. Talk to your child about their feelings and why certain behaviors are not acceptable. Empathize with their emotions and help them find alternative ways to express themselves. A strong parent-child bond built on trust and understanding can facilitate positive behavior change.  Make sure that you’re checking in with them about how they’re feeling about the system.  Do they feel the rewards are fair?  Is it helpful?  Do they need to have multiple copies of it throughout the home?  By sitting down and talking through the current system, you may find some tweaks that will increase the success of the modification.

Conclusion

Behavior modification is a powerful tool for nurturing positive behaviors in children. By identifying target behaviors, using positive reinforcement, maintaining consistency, and setting realistic expectations, parents and caregivers can create a nurturing environment where children can thrive. Remember that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient, adapt your strategies as needed, and always prioritize your child's emotional well-being. With love, understanding, and consistent effort, you can help your child develop the skills and behaviors they need to succeed in life.

Our providers are skilled in providing additional support in behavior modification, whether that’s setting up a reward system, improving communication, better understanding the behaviors or just general guidance on how to start.  If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with a therapist at The Mental Wellness Center, Inc. please reach out to us at info@thementalwellnesscenter.com or call us at 309-807-5077.