Speak to Yourself Like You Speak to Your Dog: A Lesson in Self-Compassion
By Jenn Bovee, LCSW, CRADC, CCTP II, CCHt
EMDRIA Certified
EMDRIA Consultant In Training
The title of this blog is, Speak to Yourself Like You Speak to Your Dog. However, if you don’t have a dog, please don’t let that stop you from implementing these suggestions. If you have a cat, utilize the framework of how you would speak to your cat. If you have a ferret, use that as a framework. If you don’t have any pets, how would you talk to your friend’s pet? Or even a young child. How would you interact with a young child? For me, since I have a Service Dog, my frame of reference is a dog.
When it comes to our furry friends, we often find ourselves speaking in a gentle, loving, and encouraging tone. We offer them words of comfort, praise, and support. But have you ever stopped to wonder why we don't extend the same kindness to ourselves? In the realm of behavioral health and self-improvement, there's a valuable lesson to be learned from the way we interact with our pets. In this blog, we'll explore why it's important to talk to yourself the way you talk to your dog and how this practice can positively impact your mental well-being.
Dogs are known for their unconditional love and acceptance. They don't judge us for our flaws or mistakes. Instead, they offer us unwavering support and affection. When we speak to our dogs, we acknowledge their worth and value, regardless of their imperfections. So why don't we treat ourselves with the same level of compassion?
Self-compassion involves accepting ourselves with all our faults, recognizing that we are only human and, like our dogs, deserving of love and kindness. When you talk to yourself in a way that mirrors how you speak to your dog, you cultivate a sense of self-acceptance that can be incredibly therapeutic for your mental health. I, personally, have experienced significant growth with self-compassion when talking to myself the way I talk to my dog. Think about having a puppy who has health issues, would you shame or belittle him? NO! You would treat him with the compassion that you desperately need.
Training a dog often involves positive reinforcement. We praise them when they exhibit desirable behaviors, reinforcing their sense of accomplishment and encouraging them to continue those behaviors. The same principle can be applied to our own personal growth and development. While training my dog, I would use “YES!” as a cue word to mark good behavior that I wanted him to repeat. What amazing transformations could occur if you did this in your life? Just think about each time you said something kind or loving to yourself if you marked it with a “yes”.
Rather than dwelling on self-criticism and negative self-talk, speaking to yourself with encouragement and praise can motivate you to make positive changes. Whether you've achieved a small goal or overcome a challenge, acknowledge your efforts and celebrate your successes. This positive self-talk can boost your self-esteem and confidence, making you more resilient in the face of adversity. When Griffin accomplishes something that has been challenging for him I celebrate with so much gusto!
Dogs have an innate ability to reduce our stress and anxiety levels. The simple act of petting a dog or speaking to them soothingly can trigger the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which promote relaxation and reduce stress. Talking to yourself with kindness can have a similar effect on your emotional well-being. Just think about this concept for a minute, when you are getting ready to accomplish something that’s a bit overwhelming. It’s more than just psyching yourself up, it’s building yourself up for the long haul.
When you replace self-criticism with self-compassion, you create a calming internal dialogue. Many of us have toxic or even abusive internal dialogue. I want to encourage you to begin to shift your self-talk toward a calming internal dialogue. This shift in self-talk can help you manage stress and anxiety more effectively. Instead of dwelling on your worries, you can offer yourself reassurance and comfort, just as you would to a distressed pet.
Dogs teach us resilience through their unwavering determination and adaptability. When faced with challenges, they don't give up; they keep trying until they succeed. This resilience can serve as an inspiration for our own lives. When Griffin was a puppy how would get overly excited when he saw people and jump on them. It was crucial to his development to teach him to regulate himself. It was so important to me that he learned how to regulate his excitement. And yet it was so challenging to him! But through consistency and patience, he began learning how to regulate his excitement. We didn’t give up, I didn’t belittle him or degrade him. I just consistently remained patient with him.
By talking to yourself in a supportive and encouraging manner, you build inner resilience. You develop the ability to bounce back from setbacks and face adversity with a positive mindset. This can be a powerful tool in maintaining good mental health and handling life's ups and downs with grace and determination. Every human being experiences bad things, everyone has bad things that occur. None of us live in protective plastic bubbles that prevent any loss or negative life experiences. Building resilience is crucial to maintaining your inner stability.
The way we interact with our dogs offers valuable insights into how we should treat ourselves. Just as we shower our pets with love, kindness, and encouragement, we should extend the same compassion to ourselves. Talking to yourself the way you talk to your dog can be a transformative practice in the realm of behavioral health. The things that you would never say or think about your best friend, your dog, or a small child are an important framework to develop towards yourself.
By embracing self-compassion, practicing positive self-talk, reducing stress, and strengthening your resilience, you can enhance your mental well-being and embark on a journey of self-improvement. So, next time you find yourself in a moment of self-doubt or self-criticism, remember to speak to yourself with the same gentle and supportive tone you reserve for your beloved canine companion.
If anything suggested in this blog is a struggle for you, please consider seeking the help of a trained professional. It’s never too late to get help from a mental health therapist. To review our list of providers please review this link: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/providers
To schedule an appointment with one of our providers, please contact us at info@TheMentalWellnessCenter.com. To begin the process of becoming a client consider this link: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/intake