Pregnancy After Loss: What Now?
Trigger Warning: Pregnancy and loss.
Pregnancy after a miscarriage, stillbirth, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), or an infant loss can often bring a complex mix of emotions, including, but not limited to, hope, fear, grief, and even guilt. It’s an experience that can both feel sacred and fragile…waiting for the worst to happen, while clinging to hope that everything will turn out with a baby in your arms who will be coming home.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone in this complex space, and all your emotions are valid. The loss you’ve experienced is life-altering, and the goal is not to move on but to find ways to carry that grief while holding the hope together.
There are things to remember when you’re expecting after a loss:
Be Patient and Gentle With Yourself
Healing after a loss isn’t linear; it’s messy, tangled, and sometimes impossible to see anything but the blank space left behind. You can have moments filled with joy that can be overcome by sadness or anxiety. Permit yourself to move at your own pace, invite these feelings in without judgment, because there is no such thing as a ‘correct way to grieve.’
Start by checking in with yourself to ensure that your basic needs are being met.
Are you eating regularly and nourishing yourself?
Are you getting an adequate amount of sleep or taking time to rest when you need to?
Are you still connecting with your friends and family, or are you isolating yourself?
Can you manage your basic responsibilities at home and work, or do you require additional support?
Are you getting your body moving by going for a walk, visiting the gym, or in some other way that suits your lifestyle?
Meeting your basic needs is an integral part of caring for your mental health. When the nervous system is in survival mode, it can make taking care of ourselves difficult. Doing small, consistent acts of self-care can help you regulate and connect with yourself and your pregnancy.
Find a Care Team That Meets Your Needs
Interviewing any providers to find the healthcare team that best fits your needs can make all the difference. Choosing a provider who is trauma-informed, who will take time to listen and validate your experiences, understand the impact your loss is having on your current pregnancy, and also find someone who will honor your boundaries.
Additionally, exploring additional supports, such as a doula, a lactation consultant, or a perinatal mental health specialist, can help you feel seen, supported, and empowered throughout your pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum period.
Communicate Openly With Your Partner/Spouse or Support Person
Pregnancy after a loss can cause a deep fear and uncertainty in the parents, the birthing and non-birthing parents. Having open and honest conversations about your needs, boundaries, and fears helps reduce misunderstandings and build an emotional connection. Identifying what limits each of you has, and then respecting those limits. For example, if one parent is hesitant to buy items for the baby, but the other needs to do so to help them feel connected, finding a compromise may be necessary, such as purchasing the items and storing them elsewhere for later use.
Talk about with each other what support looks like for you, what coping skills help when you’re overwhelmed, what type of reassurance you need, and when you might need space. Doing this for the parents, so that their coping and support needs are met
Build a Network of Support
No one can carry grief alone. Explore and make a list of who you can lean on when emotions become heavy. Friends, family members, spiritual leaders, or peer support groups. When building your list, identify who meets which need. Is it social, emotional, informational, or getting practical help—knowing who can meet each of these needs before they arise will make it easier to reach out.
What Not to Do
Don’t minimize your loss or compare your experience to others. What happened to you has changed your world and altered your reality. Your loss is not less than someone else’s, and the emotions you feel as you go through subsequent pregnancies are valid.
Don’t try to push yourself to be ‘okay’ before you feel that way. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay.
Don’t ignore the signs of distress, such as frequent panic attacks, prolonged sadness, or emotional numbness. If you begin to notice these are becoming your norm, let your healthcare provider know so you can get the best support and care going forward. After experiencing a loss, there is a high risk of developing a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD). Reaching out for help when signs and symptoms begin to appear will have better outcomes in the postpartum period.
You Are Not Alone
If you or someone you love has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, know that there is help. Allow yourself to be supported. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding ways to live with love and loss side by side.
To become a client at The Mental Wellness Center, go here: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/intake
