Importance of Non-Birthing Parents During Pregnancy

When considering pregnancy, the birthing person is at the center of the medical care and attention. Often, the assurance after a birth is ‘mom and baby are doing well.’ While yes, there is no doubt that the pregnant person is essential, with going through the physical act of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, there are times when the non-birthing parent can become part of the background, without their experience being acknowledged.

While it’s essential to care for the birthing parent’s physical and emotional health, it’s equally important to recognize and support the non-birthing parent during this time as well. While they might not be experiencing the physical aspects of pregnancy, their mental health, sense of identity, and connection in their growing family are just as crucial, but not as widely highlighted socially, via the media (television shows, books, etc.), the right to parental leave, or by some healthcare systems. 

Emotional Health Matters for Both Parents

Just as the birthing parent’s emotional well-being is influenced by the pregnancy and a shift in hormones, the same is true for the non-birthing parent. Research shows that during pregnancy, men’s testosterone levels decrease, while there is an increase in estradiol and prolactin. These hormone shifts are essential because they reduce aggression and increase nurturing behaviors, preparing men for a parental role connected to bonding and caregiving. 

Given this information, it is crucial to recognize that both partners need to feel supported, heard, and prepared to navigate the changes and challenges of pregnancy and new parenthood. 

Non-birthing parents can also experience feelings of anxiety related to the pregnancy, labor, and future parenting roles. Stress concerning finances and the transition to parenthood. Feelings of exclusion or uncertainty about how to connect with their new baby. Pressures to ‘stay strong’ and provide for the birthing parent to be their support system, ignoring their own needs to put the birthing parent’s needs first. 

Encouraging open communication, sharing in decision-making, and promoting the non-birthing parent to ask questions or have their concerns addressed at appointments, along with doing emotional check-ins, can strengthen the connection and reduce stress for both partners. 

Myths and Facts About Non-Birthing Parents’ Mental Health

Myth 1: Non-birthing parents don’t experience postpartum depression (PPD) or perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD). 

Fact: Up to 1 in 10 non-birthing parents experience perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Emotional changes, stress, disruptions in sleeping, and unmet basic needs, in addition to major life transitions, can all contribute. 

Myth 2: If the birthing parent is doing well, the non-birthing parent must be fine too.

Fact: Each parent’s emotional experience is going to be unique, as will each of their birthing experiences. Say the birth went exactly as the birthing parent had planned, and that they felt empowered and ecstatic with their experience, it might not have been the same for the non-birthing parent, with feelings of helplessness and being out of control. The non-birthing parent may struggle silently, especially if they feel their feelings are ‘less important’ or the need to put on a strong front for the partner.

Myth 3: Non-birthing parents don’t have the instincts to know what they’re supposed to be doing.

Fact: Parental instincts are not limited to the person who gives birth. Bonding, confidence, and intuition are developed over time, through interaction and caregiving, rather than solely by biology. Non-birthing parents can build strong, nurturing relationships with their babies when given the opportunity and encouraged to be an active participant in their infant’s care.

Myth 4: Non-birthing parents should only focus on supporting their partner.

Fact: Support goes both ways, and both parents’ needs need to be cared for by their support system. While caring for the birthing parent is vital, the non-birthing parent also needs space for rest, emotional expression, and self-care. Healthy parenting starts with both partners feeling grounded and supported. 

Myth 5: It’s selfish for a non-birthing parent to seek therapy or help.

Fact: Reaching out and seeking help shows strength and commitment to the family’s well-being. Addressing stress, depression, or anxiety early can strengthen relationships and create a healthier environment for themselves, their baby, and their family. 

Do Regular Check-Ins With Yourself

Non-birthing parents benefit from taking time to reflect and asking themselves questions to see if they are meeting their basic needs. Are you sleeping, eating, and exercising regularly? Are you making time for activities that will help you decompress? Who are your support people when you’re feeling overwhelmed? 

These small check-ins will help you maintain that balance and prevent burnout. Meeting your basic needs isn’t selfish; it’s allowing you to show up as your best self for your partner and your child. 

Your Mental Wellness Matters Too

Pregnancy is a shared experience, one that is growing a family. The presences, stability, and emotional health of non-birthing parents makes a significant difference in outcomes for birthing parents, infants, and the family as a whole. 

Supporting non-birthing parents isn’t just important; it’s essential. When both partners are seen, supported, and cared for, everyone thrives. 

To become a client at The Mental Wellness Center, go here: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/intake