Self-Care for Grieving Parents: What It Really Looks Like

When someone experiences a pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant loss, they are left standing and looking at a reality that no longer exists for them, and sometimes left wondering how they are supposed to take care of themselves. “Take care of yourself, be gentle, practice self-care, etc.” These sentiments can feel disconnected from reality.

Self-care after loss is not about wellness trends or quick fixes; it is about learning how to navigate this new trajectory. 

The most important piece is: Nothing about how you are responding is wrong. 

Grief after child loss is traumatic, layered, and deeply personal. Patience and self-forgiveness are not signs of weakness; they are forms of care.

When we explore self-care, we can identify different domains of need: physical, professional, personal, spiritual, emotional, and psychological. 

This leaves the question of what self-care actually looks like when you’re grieving.

Lowering the bar and the expectations. Self-care can be as simple as brushing your teeth, canceling plans if you don’t have the energy for them. Not measuring how you’re doing, instead of measuring your worth by productivity, self-care can be letting that mindset go and allowing yourself to exist. 

Acknowledging that your grief won't be linear. The five stages of grief aren’t a realistic expectation. Your grief has a distinct beginning, but no end. There will not be a timeframe or box you can place your grief inside. Give yourself permission to experience and express your grief as it comes, because self-care is allowing these emotions to come and not judging yourself for having them. 

Identifying your basic needs and meeting those. Eating something, sleeping when you can, and staying hydrated.

Setting boundaries and not feeling the need to explain yourself. The mental load of answering the phone, updating others on how you’re doing, and trying to engage with others can be exhausting. Self-care might look like not answering that phone call or text message, responding with “I’m not able to talk right now,” and even stepping away from social media. This is not avoidance behavior; in grief, this is identifying what you can and cannot manage at this time.

Seeking out and finding grief support that is a good fit for you. Finding a therapist or a group that aligns with your needs, beliefs, and can allow you to exist in your grief is another form of self-care. Grief groups are not a one-size-fits-all; give yourself permission to be selective of the professional mental health support you are seeking.

Self-care isn’t moving on; death is not something to move on from, it is something you will learn to live with and carry. It’s not looking for a silver lining; there isn’t one, and that’s perfectly acceptable to not find one in the death of a child. It is not being strong for others; when there is a death, your job is not to act as the support, your job is to seek the support. It’s also not rushing through to ‘get better.’ 

You and your grief matter. You deserve to be seen and supported by a professional who will not impose expectations or a timeline on your grieving. To become a client at The Mental Wellness Center, go here: https://www.thementalwellnesscenter.com/intake